New Rule

If I were King of the the World, I’d obviously have a lot of rules I’d like to install, but chief among them would be to limit the amount of time during which you are allowed to walk on the treadmill. Look, if you aren’t trying to strain yourself, just use one of the less desirable pieces of equipment that better facilitates pretending to exercise. And while we’re at it, you don’t need the spandex to walk. I regularly walk for periods exceeding twenty minutes without looking like I’m about to go SCUBA diving.

UPDATE: I knew that someone would wonder about the plight of those on rehabilitative assignments, the infirm, etc., and I suppose I should have added that caveat. Obviously, I wasn’t trying to suggest that people who must walk on the treadmill be barred from it, just that those who aren’t aiming to push themselves or those who are easily pushed should do so on a piece of equipment which better suits that purpose. It’s the same reason you shouldn’t drive slowly in the left lane on a highway; if you’re going to travel at 55 mph, you should stay in the right lane regardless of your legal right to occupy the left, because it’s inconsiderate.

UPDATE II: Olivia points out that many “larger” wearers of spandex do so to alleviate the dread “chub rub,” which is apparently endemic among the thunder thighed population. As one who was born with such an affliction, I certainly understand the conundrum. In any event, my point was to make a joke about people who dress like they’re about to play laser tag in 1992 when they’re in fact doing something many people do on the way to work.

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Posted in Random. Tags: . 6 Comments »

6 Responses to “New Rule”

  1. Michael Says:

    I’m with you on the treadmill walking, though there is one guy at the gym that sits on a mat for like, twenty minutes or so, not yoga, just sitting there. Is he meditating, collecting his chi, sucking the mental energy from the minds of everybody in the gym? And couldn’t he do that at home?

  2. Carole Says:

    How about if you have an injury or maybe just walking is a strain for you. I’d suggest you spending more time walking on the tread mill to think about tolerance for others.

  3. Bri Says:

    Didn’t know one had to “qualify” to wear spandex. And maybe gyms should have trainers with whistles at treadmill stations, enforcing a minimum speed, where slowmovers have to get over to the right (so to speak).

  4. Olivia Says:

    I agree with Bri…I love spandex, on any occasion.

  5. You Should Pay Less; They Should Pay More « Yes, Let’s Talk About This Says:

    […] another note, this argument follows a similar sum-positive reasoning as to why you shouldn’t walk on the treadmill. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Don’t Stop Me NowWho should pay […]

  6. One Step Closer to Larry David « Yes, Let’s Talk About This Says:

    […] Posted in Random by Jon on February 10th, 2009 I received a fair amount of criticism recently for suggesting people whose preferred form of aerobic exercise entails walking on the treadmill ought to find […]


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