Fighting Quakers

Among some of the other decisions being leaked today, by far the most important to the American public is the news that the Obama daughters will be attending Sidwell Friends. Now, I have a good number of friends who attended this institution, and if they are any indication, the Obama children will be fighting an uphill battle not to emerge as degenerate dipsomaniacs, or at the very least, prolix eristics. One can only assume this stems from the conflicted nature of the school mascot, the “Fighting Quaker,” who it would seem also serves as an apt metaphor for Barack Obama’s foreign policy.

Clearly, the more sensible option would be to undergo a gender change operation and attend a school where they can get thrown out for being degenerates before they have a chance to graduate and at least the cat will be out of the bag.

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