Taking Out the Trash

There will be plenty of time bore you all to death tomorrow blogging about Max Baucus’ health care proposal, so right now I’ll venture into the wide, shallow waters of pop culture. Apparently, Kendra (I’m too lazy to look up her last name, but you know, the “Girl Next Door”) is marrying Hank Baskett, the fourth or fifth wide receiver on the Philadelphia Eagles. This, of course, is wholly unremarkable. Considering a running back is the Eagles’ only marginally talented offensive player primary receiver, being the fourth or fifth wide receiver on the Eagles is well, kind of like being the third girl for a desiccated 80 year old whose procreative habits would make Brigham Young blush. Anyway, my muse for pop culture wonders:

Anyways, in addition to holding their ceremony at the Playboy mansion, her husband to be just released the following statement:

“Hef is like a father to her so he’s going to be the one to give her away.”

Think about that: she was just having sex with that “father figure” last month. Gross. Then again, she was having sex with an 80-year-old. Equally gross.

I don’t know, it seems pretty common for girls to go for father figure types. But how weird would it be to have your bride handed to you by an octagenerian that had repeatedly “had relations” with your wife? The whole process of “giving away” the bride seems brutishly medieval anyway (so I went to school near Bryn Mawr — shoot me), but isn’t the whole calculus catapulted to a totally different dimension when it becomes pseudo-incestual? How long till therapy? Can I sell short on this marriage?


One Response to “Taking Out the Trash”

  1. mike Says:

    I wish them the best. I think it’s a match made in heaven.

    1) baskett is the 3rd wideout, at least in terms of productivity. this doesnt give him additional athletic credentials, but we can assume his career is going to run for several more years.

    2) can either of them do any better? the offal of a greater celebrity has been known to “enhance” the image of a lesser celebrity, as long as you consider any news good news. baskett is not exactly tearing it up, and kendra will go from here to nowhere unless she hitches herself to a reality-tv-worthy celeb. look for them on E! during the 2009 offseason.

    3) their stars (albeit tiny little dwarf stars) will fade at approximately the same time: she will no longer look good enough for TV right around when he no longer runs fast enough for even the eagles craptastic receiving corps.

    4) for hank’s peace of mind, her ex will both definitely not stalk her and will in fact soon be dead.

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