My friend Olivia suggested I blog about the existence of — or in this case, the non-existence of — fat hipsters. It was not something I had ever thought about, but it seems to be an unquestionably true phenomenon. You just don’t see any. Go ahead, try a flickr search for “fat hipster”. There are 89 results, none of which include a portly person wearing a fedora.
Obviously, this is because hipsters define themselves in a solely reactive capacity. The “mainstream” is the easiest thing in which to define one’s self against, and since mainstream Americans are fat, it’s pretty tough to be a fat hipster. Pleasantly plump? Doable. Ironically fat? Just fat.
Anyway, below the jump, a really short photo essay of the ways in which hipsters systematically exclude the obese.
1.) It’s common knowledge that hipsters like tight jeans. Fat people do not.
2.) It’s also common knowledge that hipsters reject all methods of non-pedal powered transportation. Not only does this help reduce body fat, but the hilarious proportional juxtaposition is even worse than horizontal stripes.
3.) Hipsters also like stupid hats and fedoras. Like the bicycle, hats have been cruelly mocking fat people for centuries.
4.) Hipsters like junk food, but only ironically. Anyway, this typically results in eating fake junk food (like the above “not-dogs”) or ordering junk food and playing with it on your plate wistfully until going outside for a cigarette. Needless to say these are both unconscionable to the aspiring fat hipster.