This Bud’s for Tu

I suppose there’s not much sense in covering breaking news on a blog I usually only update when I’m bored, but in case you (all 12) missed it, the Belgian owned, Brazilian-run InBev reached terms for a friendly takeover of Anheuser-Busch at $70 per share.

InBev CEO Carlos Brito took time to reassure Bud drinkers everywhere that Bud will remain mediocre.

What consumers care is that their Bud will always be their Bud, and that’s what we’re committed to, not only the product, the quality, the beer … but also the heritage, the breweries, who brews the beers, and everything that’s connected to the breweries.

I think we can all agree that nobody gives a shit if they change the taste. Bud Light, my favorite of the three American-Style Light Lagers, tastes like water run through a lead pipe. I just want to make sure the long heritage of horses playing football, speaking animals, and regular looking guys with super-hot girlfriends that get dragged to the opera remains unchanged. Can you promise me that, you Brazilian douche?

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