America Are Dumb

USA Today offers a list of the “6 Types of Voters” who will decide this year’s election, which is essentially a delineation of a political engagement spectrum. Apparently, voters this year are either: “True believers”, “fired up & favorable”, “firmly decided”, “up for grabs”, “skeptical & downbeat”, and “decided but dissatisfied”. Fortunately, I didn’t expect face melting analysis, but I was surprised by how much insight these fluff pieces can provide to the psyche of the average American moron. Behold the “up for grabs” voter, which makes up 18% percent of the electorate:

Stephanie Clemens cast her first presidential vote for Bush in 2004. This year, the 23-year-old student from Chico, Calif., sees a lot to like in both contenders. McCain “has strong leadership and he seems like an approachable person,” she says. She admires Obama’s idea of “a change, something different.” She can’t think of anything she doesn’t like about either one.

She does have definite views about which issues matter most to her. She’s studying at California State University-Chico and considering a career in human resources management or event planning. “College tuition, health care, the economy, gas prices,” she says, ticking them off. “These are things that affect my life.”

Thanks for your opinion, Stephanie. I think we can all rest easy knowing that the fate of the election lies with people who can’t decide between two candidates that have wildly different stances on 3 of 4 items the voter themselves list as life affecting. I think you’ll make a fine human resources manager.

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